Hastening the Disabled into the Arms of our Lord

Of course we all feel jolly sorry for the mentally ill. You can see it in this sincere photo that I understand how hard it can be to suffer from depression. This is my sad face.

No-one should have to live feeling depressed, so we've decided to make sure no-one will. If you don't engage with the treatment we deem is essential, we'll be removing your benefits. That's right... loony shirkers will no longer get housing benefit, incapacity benefit, or money for food and bills. If you fail to get well, clearly, you haven't tried hard enough.

Some, I am sure, may commit suicide due to the added pressure our policies bring. Starvation, homelessness and a lack of shelter in inclement weather will hasten the end for those unprepared to make the ultimate self-sacrifice.

Look on the bright side though, if you're dead, you won't be moping about and I won't have to reconsider giving back the 5% tax cut given to my rich chums... and that would depress me!

The Archbishop Dave
(On Sunday's service, we'll welcome any donations of razor blades which can be collected free of charge from a Benefits Office near to you - ask for your Conservative Charity in Action pack!)